Category: jokes

Hi-Tech Cavemen

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Men Are Just Simple And Happier People

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES

  • If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and  Sarah.
  • If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

  • When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50.  None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
  • When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

  • A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
  • A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she  doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

  • A man has six items in his bathroom:  toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a  towel .
  • The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.  A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these  items.

ARGUMENTS

  • A woman has the last word in  any argument.
  • Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

  • A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
  • A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

  • A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
  • A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

  • A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
  • A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

  • A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a  book, and get the mail.
  • A man will dress up for weddings and  funerals.

NATURAL

  • Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
  • Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

  • Ah, children.  A woman knows all about her children.  She knows about  dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
  • A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE  DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes.  There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense  of humor and who can handle it … And to the men who will enjoy reading it.

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A Woman & Man’s Poem

A WOMAN’S POEM:

Before I lay me down to sleep,

I pray for a man, who’s not a creep,

One who’s handsome, smart and strong.

One who loves to listen long,

One who thinks before he speaks,

One who’ll call, not wait for weeks.

I pray he’s gainfully employed,

When I spend his cash, won’t be annoyed.

Pulls out my chair and opens my door.

Massages my back and begs to do more.

Oh! Send me a man who’ll make love to my mind,

Knows what to answer to ‘how big is my behind?’

I pray that this man will love me to no end,

And always be my very best friend.

A MAN’S POEM:

I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with

huge boobs who owns a bar on a golf course,

and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This

doesn’t rhyme and I don’t give a shit.

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